Peaches
by The Clow Hatter
Summary: A sequeal to "Peaches & Cream". Rated R for langugue and somewhat crude humor.
1. You mean, they're NOT A COUPLE?!!

Peaches  
(Or the fic where Mario runs nude, kids.)  
  
Note: I do not owe Super Smash Bros Melee or any of its' characters. But I'm suprised at my story, "Peaches & Cream". I was hoping to get flammers or not be reviewed at all, like "Running from Home" or "A New Legend". Gah....  
  
Enjoy this small sequal. I'll be telling it as Link's P.O.V. this time.  
  
****  
  
She kissed me.   
  
No one did that to me...not even a princess.   
  
I guess she had to be joking about it. You know how Peach is, she's always the one to make you smile whenever you're down.  
  
Like I said before, Mario is one lucky son of a bitch to have her. Damn, sometimes I wish I was a short fat plumber to get someone like her! Hell, I'll even give up my career just to be near anyone like her!!  
  
But I guess I can't huh? I guess I gotta live like this.  
  
Damnit, I hate this!!!!  
  
****  
  
I think my maker's has got me all wrong. One time I was talking to him, joking about being the size of Mario.  
  
Next thing I've noticed that the latest GameCube game, I'm a Peter Pan midjet, running around with a shield that could almost crush me. Hey Shiggy, why not make my life more miserable by turning me into a homosexual too?!!  
  
You think I have the easy life? HA!!!  
  
When I was introduced into the Super Smash Bros. Tourament, I was willing to take down any opponent. I could swing my Master Sword and send anyone flying right across the arena...  
  
There was just one problem; I had no third jump, meaning all my opponent had to do was to shove me off the stage for an easy victory.  
  
When everyone found out about that secret...everyone started to kick my ass big time. I had the gang all against me because of that.  
  
I have to thank Master Hand, who still thought I was a worthly opponent and made me appear in the Melee tourament as well, with a few new adjustments.  
  
When the first round began, I unleashed my revenge on those who still thought that one shove is an easy win.   
  
I've taken my place with the winners of the tourament. Everyone cheered on my name. I was the crowd's favorite.   
  
And Mario was right behind me.  
  
****  
  
Okay, so me and Mario are not exactly the best of friends, but we are not the best of enemies. Mario hated Browser just as I hated Ganondorf.  
  
So ever once in a while, we'll always tell jokes with each other. Sometimes, they'll even be rude comments. At least Mario has some comfront when I make wise cracks at his weight.   
  
I do not.  
  
****  
  
When I first found out that Zelda had no interest in me, I didn't want to believe it. I was still a little tyke at the time and maybe the "be friends" method would work.  
  
Words of advice, whenever a woman says to you "let's just be friends", that's the very first sign of a break up.  
  
When I got older, I've realized Zelda wasn't even right for me. Zelda lived in a lap of luxery...  
  
I doubt she'll even give that all up to live in the forest like some animal with me. Her father would not even allow it.  
  
Later on, she let the big hint drop in that shown she never was interested in me at all.   
  
****  
  
It was a starry night at the Hyrule Temple. I was trying to get my mind off my defeat to someone. I'm not going to tell you who it is though. I'm not that hopeless of a fighter.  
  
Maybe seeing Zelda would cheer me up, for a bit.  
  
As I was approaching Zelda, I stopped in my tracks. Someone was with her. I then ran and hide in the bushes. I didn't want her to see me, but I wanted to see what was going on.  
  
I wished I didn't see it.  
  
What I saw was what I didn't wanted to see. There was a prince prosing to marry Zelda. I could not tell if it was Roy or Marth, everytime I see them, I always forget which is which.  
  
But it was definately one of them.  
  
Instead of refusing the proposal, she accepted and hugged him.   
  
That bitch!!!!  
  
Well at least she's happy. I quietly crept away from the new couple's embraced. I did not want her to yell at me again for spying on her. I felt like kicking myself around.  
  
Strangely, I can actually do that.  
  
****  
  
The next day, I was back in the pratice arena. My younger self wanted to battle me. Strange, isn't it? I'm the only character that has a younger self in battle as well.  
  
He looked at me when he realized I was not attacking him back.  
  
"Hey Link!!!" Young Link cried out, "What are you trying to be, a sandbag?!!"   
I didn't want to reply to myself. I was still, somewhat hurt, from last night.  
  
He looked up at me.  
  
"Is this about Zelda getting married?" Young Link asked, "Is it? Is it?!"  
  
I looked towards my younger self.  
  
"It is not," I replied.  
  
"Yeah right!" he snapped back, "And I'm a monkey's uncle! You always had feelings for Zelda, even though she never had feelings for you!"   
  
"Quiet you..."   
  
"But it's ture!! She always made you go on highly dangerous adventures while she had time to flirt with the Hylian court!"  
  
"I said quiet..."  
  
"And now she fallen in love with someone else because you've waited too long for 'the right moment'."   
  
"QUIET!!!" I pulled out a bomb from my pack and hurled it at my younger self. He managed to quickly avoid the attack.  
  
After the blast, my younger self looked up at me.  
  
"Aren't we the touchy one?" Young Link grinned. I can't believe my younger self will stoop this low for a battle with me by provoking me with Zelda and her life. (Do you like making my life a living hell, you two bit whore?!!!)  
  
But it worked. I quickly dashed and fought off my younger self once more.   
  
****  
  
The girls' of the game were all cheerful about Zelda's proposal. Zelda was giddy and all from all the attention.  
  
"Wow Zelda," Daisy said, "he proposed to you? You must be lucky to win his heart."  
  
"I am," Zelda replied as she blushed, "I'll be just like Peach and Mario, a real happy couple."  
  
"Yeah..." Peach nervously chuckled, "like me and Mario."  
  
All the girls then paid their attention to Peach. Peach was getting a bit nervous.  
  
"She's hiding something..." Samus muttered.   
  
"Peach," Zelda asked, "is there something wrong?"  
  
Peach sighed as she looked at everyone.  
  
"I've been with my man quite a while," Peach replied as she looked down, "but he has not proposed to me at all. We're not even married."   
  
"WHAT?!!!" all the other girls cried out as they were in shocked with this new discovery.  
  
Samus was the first one to faint, then the others girls came afterwards.  
  
****  
  
I was with Mario in the locker room with some of the other guys. We all had been in the showers and was just getting to dry up.  
  
Some of the guys were talking to the "new man" in Zelda's life and wanted to propose where shall the bacholor party be held.  
  
I don't think I should be invited to go. I may go in a drunken rage and accidently kill Zelda's man in the process.  
  
Ooops.   
  
I did not expect something else to happen that'll brighten my day entirely.  
  
****  
  
The girls bursted in the guy's locker room. I didn't mind ladies' looking at me shirtless. I find it's a turn on for me.  
  
All the guys turned around to face the girls. The girls were all glaring at Mario.  
  
"MARIO!!!" Daisy, Samus, and Zelda yelled.  
  
"Meep!!" Mario squeaked as he looked at the three ladies who wanted to kick his ass.  
  
"How could you?!!!" Daisy cried out.  
  
"You're only in it for the sex, pig!" Samus roared as she aimed her blaster at the plumber.  
  
"How could you not propose to Peach?!!!" Zelda stammered.  
  
Did I hear what I just heard? Or was I hearing things?  
  
I wasn't the only ones. Every other guy was shocked as they looked at Mario.  
  
"You and Peach aren't a married couple?" asked a shocked Captain Falcon.  
  
"How long has it been like that?" Marth asked.  
  
Mario looked around. He was sweating bullets as eyes were all over him.  
  
"Well-a...you...see..." Mario chortled on his own words, "I was...erm...."  
  
Mario then ran out of the locker room with his towel.  
  
"GET THE PIG!!!" Samus yelled.  
  
And the girls went after the pudgy plumber. Some of us guys went after him too. It was fun to see Mario get beaten up, especially if was from pissed off chicks.  
  
Then someone made a grab for Mario's towel. I'd never seen Mario go that red and still running like crazy, trying to get away from the "PMS Squad". Browser was roaring with laughter as Mr. Game and Watch took some pictures.  
  
I don't think Mario will ever forget this day...cause everyone else will be reminding him if he does.  
  
****  
  
So Peach all along was cohabitating with Mario and he never plopped the question to her at all.   
  
So that means, anyone can swoop away the Mushroom Princess off her feet and carry her in his arms as a romantic lover. That's just "peachy".  
  
A sly grin ran towards my face. I felt like my younger self once more. I know my younger self likes getting into trouble, he has Nana in love with him.  
  
I chuckled as I began to get dressed. What I was going to do will cause everyone to get angry with me, Mario and Zelda, to be more precise.  
  
And it felt good. Real good.  
  
I, Link, the Hylian Hero of Time, was going to ask Princess Peach, of the MushRoom Kingdom...on a date.  
  
It sounds stupid, doesn't it? Well it'll be a worthy mission. Mario may be pressured from Zelda getting married and the other girls to marry Peach.  
  
I may be a bit crazy trying to date Mario's girlfriend...but I have no other option.  
  
Zelda was taken, Saria is a child (and I'm a sexy hot adult), Ruto....  
  
DON'T LET ME NEAR RUTO!! THAT ZORA MAKES JAWS LOOK LIKE A PUSSY!!!  
  
Malon has fallen in love with a Hylian Knight, while Nabooru is "friends" with Ganondorf.  
  
I like Nabooru. Whenever Nabooru is around, she and "Gandy" gets into fights. It's fun watching Nabooru and Ganondorf fighting each other, she ends up winning anyways.   
  
Ganondorf says he lets her win...R-right...  
  
Ok, it's settled then. I'll just ask Peach for a simple date and we'll see where it takes us from there.  
  
I then left the locker room and head towards my room for a simple plan.  
  
THE END...for now...  
  
****  
  
Who should I place Zelda with? Marth or Roy? And give me their discription too so I don't get confused.-The Clow Hatter 


	2. A Flamer and a Date on Friday Night

Peaches  
  
Note: I do not owe Super Smash Bros Melee or any of its' characters. But I'm suprised at my story, "Peaches & Cream". This is still going with the Link/Peach romance diddy.  
  
Enjoy this small sequal. I'll be telling it as Link's P.O.V., cause it's funny and ironic at the same time. But before I continue...  
  
Wooot!! I've got a flammer for "Peaches & Cream"!!!! Let's see what this sarcastic reviewer said. (I love dealing with flamers, they are the stupid people of the net.)  
  
***  
  
Bored 2002-05-27 1 Anonymous   
alright alright... i bash peach a WHOLE lot... not cause she isn't a decent fighter... i'll give her that it's her STUPID TAUNT!!! it's soooo annoying!!  
I think the idea of Peach/Link is a little sickening...(this is not a flame... it's an opinion) and unless i'm mistaken...in the gameboy game oracle of seasons/ages Zelda DOES kiss Link!  
I think the dumb blond thing may be cause you are always being kidnapped... and you don't really fight along side mario TOO often.... i mean... Zelda helps link against ganondorf... and samus has her own game...  
And if you have such a dislike for peach bashing why did you bash Zelda? (quote: two wrongs don't make a right)  
not to mention all that pink girly stuff *gag*  
that's all for now... but i'll be back!  
  
My reponse-Wow, "bored"...that's such an orignal name. Oh? So Zelda kisses Link, big whoop...I guess I should stop writing this now.   
NOT!! That was in only one game, combined by two games. And how many Legend of Zelda games are out there? Hmm? Every single game she always "thanks" Link for saving her undergrated ass. In OoT, as I heard, if you even go ahead of her while escaping Ganon's castle, she'll shove you away. Can we say "b-i-t-c-h"??  
It was not Zelda that helped Link, it was her alter ego Shiek. Rumors coming from D-chan & Link to the Past may say that Zelda is Link's sister. Can we say "ew"? Or she could actually be a guy...O.o Ohh, bad, Clowy, VERY BAD CLOWY!!!  
Uh....this is WRITTEN BY *MY* PREPECTIVE AS PEACH!!! I am not a dumb blonde. If you read that fic, you'll see Peach does it as an "act" to be liked. Kinda sad, nee?  
And bashing Zelda? Geez, she gets all the fricken attention! Ever single fic I see in the "Zelda" section has to do Zelda has to have Link protect her, or Zelda tries to confess her feelings for Link, or some other crap that the Hylian Bastard has to do so he can be worthy of being a "knight" of Zelda....  
BITE ME, BLONDIE!!!   
Which is why, in "A New Legend", she was killed in the first chapter...and killed again in Ch. 14. I'm morbid, evil, dememented, and partly insane. But it's a fucken good fic, if people ignored the fact of the Zelda/Link pairing.   
  
Now, I return to your regular sceduale story.  
  
-The Clow Hatter   
  
****   
  
The next day was different than the last one.  
  
Mario, bruised and badly beaten up, was trying to rest from his "attack". He lied to those who weren't there yesterday that he was mauled to bits by bears.  
  
Right Mario, we know when the girls are at it. WE KNOW. Girls can be funny. They can be sweet, gentle, noble, and the best of friends...  
  
But if you even dared piss one off, they'll hurt you. They will. I learned that one the hard way. And it wasn't pretty.   
  
I guess the whole "Zelda Marrying Marth" got to their heads, litterally.  
  
Well Link, how are you going to ask Peach out on a date after this?  
  
****  
  
As I entered the room, Mario's close friends (Yoshi and Daisy), relatives (Luigi), and lover (Peach). I turned a shade of red as I saw Peach, wearing her casual princess gown as her blonde hair rested on her shoulders. She was sitting next to Mario's hospital bed. She was trying to lighten up the plumber's spirits...  
  
Which had suffered a major blow.  
  
I know Mario gets picked often, and when he does, he runs away to Peach's arms for comfort. He's one lucky son of a bitch to have someone like that.  
  
"Peach," Daisy said, "I'm so sorry for letting the others and myself beat your man like that. You must hate me for that."  
  
"It's all right," Peach replied with a cheeky smile, "the doctor said he'll be as good as new in a few days."  
  
"But Peachy," Mario stammered as sat up on his bed, "I'll miss the fight between Broswer and Mewtwo on pay per view!!!!! Not to mention, our date on Friday night to the Termina Clock Festival, that you wanted to go!!!"  
  
Peach turned back towards her man and started to force him gentle back to his bed.   
  
"What's more important to me is that you will get well," Peach said as she placed the covers on Mario again, "we can go there another time and Luigi can tape the fight for you."  
  
"Yeah bro," Luigi replied, "you got to recovered! What if your gone, who will save Peach and the Mushroom Kingdom when Browser starts to attack? I don't think I can handle them on myself."  
  
"Yoshi yoshi!" Yoshi cried out.  
  
"But Peachy..." Mario muttered.  
  
"I could take her to the festival," I said as I looked towards everyone in the room.  
  
****  
  
Everyone then looked towards me. I turned a shade of red as I tried to continue talking to them.  
  
"I...I..." I stuttered slightly, "if Peach really wants to go to the festival, I could take her there as a replacement of you."   
  
Shut up Link!! They know you may be coming onto Peach!!!! Damnit!! Just be quiet now and don't say another word!!! I'm warning you....it's for your own good!!!   
  
It was Daisy who started to speak out.  
  
"That's a perfect idea," Daisy said, "Link can take Peach to the festival while we can help Mario propose to Peach."   
  
I slightly bit my tongue. I did not want to hear that. Mario was nervously laughing.   
  
"Y-yeah..." Mario replied, "I'll think I'll take my nap now." Mario quickly pulled the covers over him and rested. Peach sighed slightly, smiling as if she was hiding something.  
  
Did the girls really beat up Mario that badly? Why was Peach falsely smiling? I thought she and Mario were a dating couple.  
  
Before I could question the others, the nurse appeared at the doorway and asked us all to leave...  
  
The visiting hours were over. I guess, I'll figure what was going on with those two afterwards.  
  
****  
  
I was walking with Peach as we both left the room with the others. Peach looked up towards me. Cripes, what if she figured out what I was planning to do in the first place?!!!  
  
"Link," Peach said, "you really don't have to go through all that trouble for me. I don't want to waste your Friday Night with me."  
  
"Ahh..." I replied sheepishly, "that's all right. I don't have nothing much to do either that night, unless 'her highness' wants me to watch the castle while she and her new lover are doing 24/7."  
  
"I see your point." She began to slowly walk away from me.   
  
"Was it something I said?!!!" I cried out to her.  
  
"Not at all," Peach replied as she smiled to herself, "just please pick me up at the palace around 7:00 PM on Friday. I don't want you to be late."  
  
She then started to leave. I was standing and somewhat stunned by the ordeal.   
  
Was it just me, or was I not the only one that hated Zelda? Nevermind that! You've got a date with Peach, just like you always wanted!!! But you've got it cause Mario was beaten up big time.  
  
I wonder if I should take this as a good omen. I'll find out when Friday night arrives.   
  
****  
  
I've would have written more, but my eyes are really starting to hurt and irritate me. Guess, you folks have to wait till the next chapter. Thanks to the person that suggested the "Marth/Zelda" couple thing. Besides, there are fics out there that are based on that and are pretty fucken good, if ya ask me.  
  
Must get eyedrops.-The Clow Hatter 


End file.
